The News Lampoon.com

By Duane Wordsworth

March 12, 2008--When Eliot Spitzer, Governor of the State of New York, signed in at the the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, DC, to engage in unlawful sex with Kristen the  high-end prostitute, he used the name "George Fox."

Not a bad alias, Eliot.  Believable but clever.  Solid yet lively.  A little Father of Our Country mixed with canine trickster.  In short, a perfect "John" alias, signaling to the discerning high-end call girl the promise of a "date" with a man of means who is not too boring, the promise of both quick cash and a quick release.

Or did Spitzer, aka "Client 9," have another George Fox in mind?  Could it be that Eliot Spitzer, Time Magazine's "Crusader of the Year, 2002," was thinking of George Fox the English dissenter who is commonly considered the founder of the Religious Society of Friends, better know as The Shakers?  Here is an excerpt from Leonard "one of Britain’s foremost outdoor evangelists of the 20th century" Ravenhill's essay, George Fox--The Unshakeable Shaker:

"The most remarkable incident in modern history perhaps is not the Diet of Worms, still less the battle of Austerlitz or Peterloo, or any other battle.

"The most remarkable incident is passed over carelessly by most historians and treated with some degree of ridicule by others - namely, George Fox's making for himself a suit of leather.

"No grander thing was ever done than when George Fox, stitching himself into a suit of leather, went forth determined to find truth for himself - and to do battle for it against all superstition and intolerance."

This was Thomas Carlyle's considered opinion about the poor, uneducated English shoemaker, George Fox. So hard was his itinerate preaching life that he made for himself that famous pair of leather breeches, which have since become historical. Those breeches were known all over the country, says Macauley the historian. In the middle of the 17th century men feared the man dressed in that famous suit as much as the Jordan spectators, centuries before, feared the man who had the leathern girdle about his loins and who ate locusts and wild honey. And rightly so, for George Fox and John the Baptist were kindred spirits.

Way to go, Eliot!  If you're going to engage in the unlawful transporting of a woman across state lines for the purpose of prostitution (see the Mann Act), pretend to be what you pretend to be!

As it turns out, and hold on to your leather breeches, George Fox is a real live person, a "friend" of Client 9's:

The following is a statement from a spokesman for George Fox, whose name Spitzer is said to have used as an alias:

Published reports indicate that Governor Eliot Spitzer allegedly used the name "George Fox" as an alias in the activity currently under investigation.  Mr. Fox has known Governor Spitzer for more than 20 years and has been a supporter during the Governor's various political campaigns.--WNBC

Well, so there's that George Fox. . . .  Do you suppose they're still friends?

According to the government affidavit,  Kristen the high-end prostitute was warned that Client 9 liked to do things "... you might not think were safe ..."

I guess that means the Governor of New York didn't like to wear a rubber?

Okay, so there's that.

But, really, what's the big deal?  If you think about it, all Eliot Spitzer did was break a few things: his oath of office, a few antiquated and unjust laws, his marriage vows, his friendships, the public trust.  Well, plus there's the fact that he's a married man--masquerading as one of his loyal friends--who has three teen-aged daughters and who is attempting to engage in the dangerous practice of unprotected sex with Kristen the high-end prostitute, possibly putting at risk the health of both the lady and the tramp.

So there's that, too.

So maybe it doesn't look so good right now, Eliot.   This is America.  It'll blow over in a week or two.

It will blow over, Eliot!

Sources:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88104308

http://www.ravenhill.org/fox.htm

http://www.wnbc.com/politics/15564094/detail.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonard_Ravenhill

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reynard

How to Get Laid, by Dick Gazinia

_________________________________________

The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diem nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut lacreet dolore magna aliguam erat volutpat. Ut wisis enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tution ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis te feugifacilisi. Duis autem dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit au gue duis dolore te feugat nulla facilisi.

Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci taion ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex en commodo consequat. Duis te feugifacilisi per suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex en commodo consequat.Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diem nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut lacreet dolore magna aliguam erat volutpat.