| By Ariel Trebuchet, Columnist January 24, 2008, Washington, DC—The Canadians think we’re
meanies. They put us on a “mean list,” along with China and Iran. That
is to say the Canadian diplomat training manual identifies the United
States as torturers.
Well, wah-wah-wah!
Who cares what Canada thinks anyway, much less their
diplomats? What has Canada done for us lately beyond sell our kids
hydroponics kits so they can grow their marijuana gardens indoors?
Oh, I forgot. Canadians sell them the seeds, too.
Oh, Canada! What great neighbors you are!
You provide safe-haven for our murderers and draft-dodgers. You
help terrorists enter into our country.
Oh, Canada! Nurturer of scoundrels!
So we do a little “waterboarding.” Who cares!
Does “waterboarding” sound like torture? Have you ever gone
surfing and had water go up your nose? Ever had to take nose drops?
That’s about what it amounts to. I confess that when I was a little girl,
I would fight like the dickens when my mother brought out the nose drop
syringe. So you pour a little water down a terrorist’s nose. It makes
the terrorist uncomfortable, gives him a noseache. Do you really care if
a terrorist is uncomfortable? He should be uncomfortable!
But is it torture? “In the know” people don’t think it is. Just
as Mom had my best interest in her heart when she gave me my nose drops,
President Bush had ours in his when he decided to allow our interrogators
to waterboard. Who knows how many lives have been saved because of it?
We are President Bush’s children. And, like children, we don’t
always know what’s best for us. The way Canada and most of Europe has it,
you would think President Bush was Lord of the Inquisition. Well he’s
not. The Inquisition took place in Europe, not America. Americans do not
torture people, in spite of what former homeland security head Tom Ridge,
presidential candidate John McCain and other unpatriotic people assert.
Hey, McCain, you’d make a great president—of Canada!
Oh, Canada! Land of large, snowy spaces!
You had better hope credible science is right about
global warming--that it’s nothing more than an Al Gore-endorsed theory--or
that the lights in your marijuana factories don't get too hot. Who’s
going to rescue you if you melt?
Oh, Canada! We hope you drown!
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