Obama aide calls Hillary a 'Monster'--The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire

News Lampoon

Obama aide calls Hillary a 'Monster'

Also calls former First Lady 'unattractive'; photos seem to support assertions

By Tanya Murgatroyd, special to the News Lampoon

March 7, 2008--A Barack Obama aide finally said out loud in an interview with The Scotsman in London what the Obama camp has been whispering since 2005: Hillary Clinton is "unattractive."

In addition to saying Senator Clinton is unattractive, Samantha Power, Obama's key foreign policy aide, told The Scotsman's Gerri Peev that "[Hillary] is a monster, too – that is off the record . . ."

Oops! Too late, said The Scotsman editors. That is on the record, Ms. Power.

Power is close friends with Austan Goolsbee, the Obama aide who committed the blunder of telling Canadian politicians that Obama was "posturing" when he told Ohio voters that the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) needed a makeover, a comment that many say cost Senator Obama the Ohio and Texas primaries. Many Ohioans believe that NAFTA, along with President Bush, has caused the skyrocketing unemployment in their state. Turns out Texas doesn't care much for NAFTA, either. Canada likes NAFTA.

"We f***** up in Ohio," Power said.

Looks like you "f***** up" in Texas and Canada, too!

Senator Obama, who has characterized himself as the "Sound Judgment, Please-All Candidate Who is above Politics-as-Usual," is said to be inundated with questions from nervous supporters, especially the notoriously opportunistic "super delegates" who abandoned what had been a sinking Clinton campaign and jumped aboard the "Good Ship Obama" when Hillary needed them most. The most-asked question by these pragmatic, poll-watching politicians is: Why do you hire these people? The second-most-asked is: Why don't you tell them to shut up? Third is: What happens to us if you lose? Followed closely by the fourth: Will you be able to find us jobs? And the fifth-most-asked question by these "for now" Obama supporters? When are you going to stop f****** us up!

Power, who is from Ireland, was supposed to be promoting her new book during this Scotsman interview-gone-bad.

"You just look at [Hillary] and think, 'Ergh,'" Power told Peev.

What's that I hear? Someone screaming Shut the f*** up!?

Monster? Unattractive? Ergh? Some might say using these words to describe any candidate, never mind a female candidate, never mind a former first lady (see Barbara Bush), might not only be unfair but also bad judgment. But is it bad judgment? What if Power's claims are true? Politics is a funny business. Things change. People jump ships. Photos obtained by the News Lampoon seem to support not only Power's claims but others made by Obama's minions. Perhaps the whispering campaign, given more time, will work. The whisperers had better hope so, or their whispers will turn to whimpers.

Peruse the following Obama-aide-claims and supporting photos and, as they say in the campaign, YOU DECIDE!

Obama-Aide-Claim #1

Hillary is a Monster: