The News Lampoon.com

By Rick Bishop, News Lampoon Editor-in-Chief

July 14, 2008--Wah-wah-wah!  Maybe you shouldn't have worn that ridiculous outfit when you took that trip to Africa, you dumb ass!  You looked like a short-order cook slinging hummus in some shitty Sudanese diner.  And maybe, since you've always been such an ambitious son-of-a-bitch, you shouldn't have married someone who talks and acts like she wants to beat the shit out of every white person she sees.

And what is it exactly about the word "satire" that has you so confused?  Does it say anywhere that it's nice?  Who besides you wants to see "tasteful" satire?  Oh, wait, we get it now--you thought you and your big-mouthed wife were somehow off limits. . . .

Welcome to the Big Leagues, asshole!

Bravo, New Yorker--your balls must have grown back!

But what's with McCain and his spokesman with the puppy-dog name, Tucker Bounds: “We completely agree with the Obama campaign, it’s tasteless and offensive.”

"Offensive"?  Did he say "offensive"?  Hey, shit-for-brains, it's satire!  It's supposed to be offensive!  And by the way, it's not Obama they're trying to offend, it's you.  What, do you think The New Yorker is a conservative magazine?  But The New Yorker targets smart people, so you wouldn't know.

Hey, McCain, are you trying to lose the election?  Or did Jesse Jackson cut your nuts out?  If so, you'd better follow The New Yorker's lead and grow them back.  Until you do, try to quit acting like a pussy, and just keep your mouth shut when something good happens to you.  This sensitive, take-the-high-road crap is not only boring and stupid, it's fucking irritating.

The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire