| News Lampoon | David Motari likes chillin' 'n killin' puppies! | |||
| Liked hangin' with
friends too--'Whatever happened to Semper Fi?' By Mickey Sartre, News Lampoon cub reporter March 6, 2008--Hiding out in his mom's basement "gets a little lonely," says U.S. Marine and puppy killer David Motari, "but I'm sure this'll all blow over soon." This reporter wouldn't bet on it. Motari and two fellow marines made a video where they toss a live puppy off of a cliff and laugh about it. The video started circulating around the internet, making Motari one of the most-hated people alive. "It's kind of an eye-opening experience," Motari says. "You find out who your friends are. I thought I had at least 52 friends, but I guess I don't have any. How did Motari come up with 52? "That's how many I have on my Bebo page. I've never met any of them personally, but still. . . ."
Among the people Motari counted as his friends is ex-cop Bobby Cutts, Jr., of Canton, Ohio, who was sentenced last month to life in prison for killing his 9-months pregnant girlfriend. "I can't believe David killed that puppy like that," Cutts said in a phone interview. "Throwing it over a cliff? He's sick, and he's not my friend anymore." "Dave's not so bad," said former NFL star Michael Vick, serving time for murdering dogs for fun and profit. Vick was the kingpin of one of the largest dog-fighting rings in the country. "I mean, it's just one puppy. I killed a lot more than that. Dave's not my friend no more, though. I'm tryin' to get my image right so I can play ball again. Tell Dave to call PETA. That's what I did. I took some classes and my approval rating improved like dramatically." Before joining the Marines, Motari spent his days pulling the wings off of butterflies and squashing frogs. He was also an avid hunter. "I liked to do most of my hunting out of season," he says. "It's easier that way. There's no other hunters to compete with, and you really catch the animals by surprise. I guess you might call it poaching. Anyway, I liked to wound the animal if I could. That way I could sit and watch it die a slow, agonizing death. Then I'd leave 'em there to rot. It was fun." Not surprisingly, Motari says that, because no one liked him, he had a solitary childhood. "I didn't really have any friends in the Corps, either," Motari says, "except the guys I used to toss puppies off of cliffs with. Then that video came out, and I had to rat on my buddies, so I guess they're mad at me now. Whatever happened to 'Semper Fi'? Anyway, since they won't talk to me anymore, I've tried to be friends with some of the people making the death threats against me, but they don't want to make friends. I tried to set up a Youtube account, but they don't want me. It seems like no one does. I don't know what to do. You got any ideas?" The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire
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