| News Lampoon | Another B.O. aide secret memo found | |||
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Memo assures French Foreign Minister U.S. 'will be there' for France By Mickey Sartre, News Lampoon cub reporter
March 14, 2008--A secret memo has been obtained by the News Lampoon detailing a meeting between Barack Obama aide Austan Goolsbee and French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner. Goolsbee is the same aide who was the subject of the controversy surrounding a previous secret memo, this one detailing the Obama campaign's assurances to the Canadian Government that Obama was lying to Ohio voters about his supposed opposition to the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA). NAFTA has been good for Canada but not Ohio, according to some economists. The discovery of the Canadian secret memo is thought to be a large part of the reason Hillary Clinton won the Ohio Democratic Primary. The latest secret memo, a handwritten, coffee- and wine-stained document, details Obama's plans to "help our French enemies in ways the present administration has not." While neither denying nor admitting the existence of the secret memo, Kouchner said he does agree in principle with what it says. "We have to talk with our enemies, especially the United States," Kouchner said Wednesday in Paris. "That's why an Obama presidency would be good for France. Monsieur Obama, unlike a certain American president, believes in talking with his enemies." According to the memo, an Obama presidency would be dedicated to finding new ways to rebuild good will between the U.S. and France, first of which would be to strike down smoking bans in U.S. cities. "As a smoker, Barack Obama understands the importance of being free to have a smoke anywhere one wants to, including government buildings, restaurants, hospitals, churches, and daycare centers," the memo reads. "As a further gesture of good will, every French man and woman entering the United States will be given a free carton of Marlboros. In addition to addressing ways to help support France's nicotine addiction, the memo also seems to address the French people's disdain for regular bathing and use of body deodorant. "Barack feels a kinship with French-speaking nations like Canada, Haiti, and of course France, especially France. Barack bathes only when he absolutely has to and encourages his staff to do likewise, in fact requires it. His wife, qui s'appelle Michelle, calls him 'Stinky.' He encourages staff members to call him 'B.O.' . . . As president, B.O. will certainly 'be there' for the French whenever he can. He's begun taking French lessons and plans to purchase a second home in France as soon as Tony Rezko can find him one." The memo also outlines a plan that would require all Americans to learn the French language, make French the U.S.'s "official second language," and would prohibit Americans who are not fluent speakers of French from visiting France. Monsieur Goolsbee, who is said to be hiding out somewhere in France, was not immediately available for comment on this story. Sources: http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2008/02/01/rezko/ http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jrFPkleRZmbmPtPxHBGNAPSzfUtwD8V61MF01 http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/03/12/europe/france.php http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2007/12/michelle_obama200712?currentPage=1 Le Petit Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery ___________________________________________________ The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire
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