By Mickey Sartre, NewsLampoon cub reporter
January 22, 2008, Columbia, SC—Someone has been sending
“scurrilous” email messages around accusing presidential candidate Barack
Obama of being a Wahabi Muslim who swore his oath of office on a Koran,
not a bible.
Don’t look now, but it’s the guy with the poison keyboard and
cheap haircut—none other than John Edwards.
It all started innocently enough. Edwards got a haircut. Then
the rumors began. By the time CNN got wind of it, the haircut had cost
Edwards $1200. That’s for one haircut. Come on, folks! Edwards didn’t
get rich by getting ripped off. Besides, all you have to do is look at
it. Would you pay $1200 for a “do” like that?
Neither would Edwards.
The truth is, an Edwards aide told someone the candidate had
gotten one hundred $12 haircuts, all within the space of 3 months, but
that’s beside the point. The point is that after that, the story took on
a life of its own.
The point is Edwards thought Obama had been spreading the
embarrassing rumor.
Then things got really hairy.
Anyone notice that Edwards has been picking on Obama lately?
Kinda switched from Hillary to Barack, didn’t he? See Saturday night’s
debate? If you did, you know what I’m talking about.
Word is, Edwards is losing it, and we're not
talking about his hair. His own people are saying he has
no chance of winning a single primary. They’re saying he’s delusional. But that’s obvious. If he
wasn’t delusional, he’d follow Fred Thompson’s lead and drop out of the
race.
John Edwards has issues, and everyone except the candidate himself
knows it. Mister Obama’s a big man. A Christian man. So let’s hope he
can forgive Mister Edwards, who can’t help himself. So maybe all of us,
Muslims included, can forgive John Edwards.
I for one am going to say a prayer for the guy with the cheap
haircut.
(Posted 9:47 p.m. EST)
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