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Last updated 08/17/2008 11:48:05 AM

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Clinton, Obama Body Language Tell True Story

By Bruno Spinoza, NewsLampoon body-language expert

February 1, 2008, Cleveland—“Friendly face-off,” my butt!  I hate saying “butt”—makes me sound like a sissy—but I’m not allowed to say the other word for it.  I’m going to have to have a little talk with someone about that.  Anyway, you get my meaning.  They hate each other.  You don’t have to be no body-language expert to see that.

   He almost pulled the chair out from under her both times he “helped her” with it.  He was very, very tempted.  Believe me.  You could see him flinch, but he caught himself just in time.  You could see it.  Probably forgot for about a half a second where he was.

   When he kept doing that thing with his hand, where his thumb and finger are pressing together?  If you had hi-def you could probably see the color change at the tips of his digits, they were pushing so hard against each other.  I don’t have hi-def, but I’d bet my left nut that if you did, you’d be able to see it.  He wanted to strangle her.  You could tell.

   She wanted to kill him too.  She kept like gritting her teeth.  Like I said, I don’t have hi-def, but you could still see it, just barely.  If you have hi-def, you know exactly what I mean.  She wanted to pull him out of his chair, and I think she could do it.  She’s not very tall, but she looks pretty strong.  Besides it’s all upstairs, in the old noggin.  She’s mean, and I’d bet my left nut that pound-for-pound she’s a lot tougher than him.

  It looked like that little temple vein on the side of her head was throbbing too.  I’d bet on it.  If I had hi-def, I’d be able to tell you for sure.  But I don’t have it, so no sense talking about it, I guess.

 (Posted 2:22 p.m. ET)

Front Page

February Backpages:

'Breaking the News' Teasers

Spacey Huckabee Brothers

Thank God! Is It Over?

Shuster Calls Clintons Pimps

WARNING

Elizabeth Edwards' Booty

Huckabee Calls Romney 'A Littlle Bitch

Today Is Tuesday

Belichick Says Giants Cheated

In light of the Super Bowl

Van der Sloot Lies about Lies

Snipes Dodges IRS 'Silver Bullet'

Debate a "Dud"

Body-Language

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January Backpages:

HOGAN ENDORSES OBAMA!

Gore Mulls Candidacy, 'Fart Tax'

Obama ‘Not Amused’ by Clinton 'B.O.' Crack

Bush: Indonesia’s Suharto 'Will Be Missed'

Obama Wins South Carolina; Clinton Vows Retribution

MSNBC’s Olbermann To Be Fired Next Year

Kucinich 'Going Galactic'

Edwards Sending “Scurrilous email”

Mike Gravel Pulls Late Upset

Obama “Freaks” in Birmingham Jail

McCain Escorted from Barbecue

Merriam-Webster Goofs

"Bright Cloud" Destroys Texas Town

MSNBC's Scarborough, Brzezinski Feud

Tom Cruise World- Dominance Scheme Derailed by Government

O.J. to Visit Cuba

Kucinich Arrested in 'Old-Style Brawl'

Romney Staffer Fired for Using Candidate as Coat Rack

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Last updated: 08/17/08.

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