| News Lampoon | Bow Wow Wow! | |||
| N.Y.
Governorship goes to the dogs! By Mickey Sartre, News Lampoon cub reporter
"What destroys me strengthens me" March 13, 2008, New York--You Fool! You paid 4,300 bucks for that? You humiliated your wife and three teen-aged daughters for that? You betrayed your friends and citizenry for that? "That"
has the deliciously melodramatic name Ashley Dupre. Formerly known
as "Kristen the high-end prostitute," Ashley is the woman who helped bring
down the Governor of New York.
Wow! er, bow wow. . . .
That is a "high-end" prostitute? I'm sure she's got a nice personality.
Most prostitutes do, I'm told. Maybe we can find clues on Ashley's
MySpace page. In an August 30 blog post, she wrote: "The
past few months have been a roller coaster with so called friends, lovers,
and family ... but its (sic) something you have to deal with and
confront in order to move on ..." Poor thing! "I have been alone," she wrote. "I have
abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my
own. I am here, in NY because of my music." Move over,
Gloria Gaynor! Ashley lives in a Manhattan luxury rental
skyscraper called The Chelsea Landmark. Rent for a small studio is
$3,500, neighbors said. The 35-story building opened less than a
year ago. The number of hits to her page soared by the
tens of thousands after the story of her tryst with Eliot Spitzer, aka
Client 9, broke. Some of the postings have ridiculed her, but the
overwhelming majority are from new fans, of every demographic, encouraging
Ashley to "stay strong" and "f*** the media." "Gutta Fam" has been
particularly supportive: "WHAS POPPIN ASH, KEEP DOIN YOUR THING
MA" "YOU THE FAM IS THERE FOR YOU" "WE
GOT UR BACK ASH!! NO MATTER WHAT!!" "I just don't want to be thought of as a
monster," Ashley told the New York Times. "This has been a
very difficult time. It's complicated." Tsk, tsk, tsk. Client 9 resigned as Governor of New York
yesterday. Who do you think is having a worse week? I would
also venture to say that Ashley's immediate future will be lucrative. Ashley's web site boasts a recording of a
song, "What We Want." "I know what you want, you got what I want,"
she sings. "I know what you need. Can you handle me?" Good question. I wonder what Client 9's
answer would be. . . . In addition to her many other talents, Ashley
is a philosopher: "What destroys me strengthens me." Move over, Friedrich Nietzsche. Hey, Eliot, that which doesn't kill us makes
us stronger. Feel better now? Didn't think so.
__________________________________________ Sources:
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8VCCPAG0&show_article=1
http://www.karaoke-version.com/en/mp3-backingtrack/gloria-gaynor/i-will-survive.html
__________________________________________ The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire
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