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Denounces 'former grandson' via text message By Mickey Sartre, News Lampoon cub reporter
"Granny Dunham" Barack Obama's 86-year-old grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, who has come to be known by many as "Granny Dunham," has been, according to the Obama campaign, "unavailable for comment" to media. After discovering that this poor woman is "unavailable" only because her treacherous grandson is having her held prisoner in Hawaii, we at the News Lampoon smuggled a cell phone into the heavily-guarded compound (paid for with Obama campaign funds) where Granny is being held. Though some might think that hiring a high-end prostitute to perform this task is unethical, we decided, after much heated discussion, to go ahead and do it anyway. Frankly, we were worried about Granny Dunham. The text message Granny painstakingly sent to us in two- and three-word fragments took several hours to compose. The following is the message in its entirety, with minor spelling and grammar corrections. "As many of you know, in recent days my former grandson, Barack Hussein Obama, has been saying terrible things about me. He has called me a racist and yesterday said that I was 'a typical white person.' Well, I never! I don't know what's happened to my Barry. He used to be such a sweet boy. I am very worried about my great-grandchildren. "Barry hasn't been the same since he met that Michelle and started going to that crazy church in Chicago. I think they've brainwashed Barry, and I wonder now if he would make a good president. He certainly has not been a very good grandson lately. "As you know, since Barry began his presidential campaign, I have been held prisoner here in Hawaii. I would like to thank the News Lampoon for having that sweet young girl smuggle this cell phone to me so I could have contact with the outside world. It gets lonely around here with no one to talk to but these guards and my cruel nurse. "I must also say that, though I formerly was unafraid of black people, I am afraid of them now. Look what one of them has done to me! And my own grandson! For this reason, and though it greatly pains me to do it, I hereby disavow, disown, reject, repudiate, and renounce my former grandson, Barack Hussein Obama. "I am sure that when this letter gets out, they will search for this phone. They will have to conduct an anal cavity search to find it, so if you don't hear from me again, you know what happened. "Happy Easter, everyone! "Love you! "Madelyn Dunham" Related story: Barack throws Granny under the bus! ___________________________________________ The News Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire
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