| By Tanya Murgatroyd, special to the News
Lampoon February 24,
2008, Crawford, TX--Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad demanded Friday
that the U.S. and its allies apologize for accusing Iran of
seeking nuclear weapons.
Today
Ahmadinejad revised his demand, saying he wants the apology to come from
President Bush in person, at Bush's Prairie Chapel Ranch
outside of Crawford, Texas.
"The President of the United States has
never invited me to his ranch," Ahmadinejad told reporters as he held back tears.
"I've never been to Camp David, either."
"Ahmad can't come to my ranch until he stops
trying to make the big bombs," said President Bush after arriving
from his recent tour of Africa. "The new International Atomic Energy Agency report says
Mahmoud didn't do what we asked him to do. Until he does what we ask
him to do, he's not going to be allowed to come to my ranch."
"I don't see why everyone gets to have
nuclear bombs except me," Ahmadinejad complained. "India has nuclear
bombs, Pakistan has nuclear bombs, Russia, China, the U.S., everyone gets
to have nuclear bombs except Iran. It's not fair!"
"Nucular (sic) bombs aren't toys," Bush
said. "They're not like the M-80s and sticks of dynamite we kill
fish with here at the ranch. If Mahmoud would do what we ask him to do,
he could come to Texas and blow up some things with me and Vice President
Cheney. But he keeps
enriching uranium and trying to hide it."
"I think it stinks," said Ahmadinejad.
"I'm not going to let anyone see what I'm doing until [President Bush]
invites me to his ranch or Camp David."
"President Ahmadinejad has to make the first
move," President Bush said.
"President Bush has to make the first move,"
President Ahmadinejad said.
"Bush does!"
"Ahmadinejad does!"
"George does!"
"Mahmoud does!"
"George Bush does, infinity!"
"Darn!"
The News
Lampoon--Twisted News, Humor & Satire
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